Home Alone!!!

It has been a while.  Summer came and gone.  Winter is harsh.  Frost is really biting and the night time average is in minus.  I am on my own this winter and it has been a while.  Not after 1997, I am left lurching in cold sleepless nights, as I am of now on my own.  Family is in India as part of our relocation plans and I am on my way early next year.  Bye to UK for good.

Past seven months been a revelation too.  I am getting to know people and my friends.  They always kindle the interest and  the emotions in me.  None of us are selfless and selfishness is the utmost core for our survival.  It is obvious.  I learn to deceive and be deceptive.  Be detached.  Lower my expectations.Each of us does what we think suits or helps us and in the process thrash and trash ourselves and others.  Do the karma and forget about benefits.  Conflict arises when all of us think and do only what’s good a karma, for ourselves.   I Compromise for whose sake?Pretend what I am not.   Be thyself and for whose benefit?

Be simple and complicate others.  Confusing!  Please don’t read the above paragraph!!

Also, learn new things.  Read a lot; about me and myself.  Meditate too.  JeyaMohan and Kahn disturb me.  Listen to tonnes of Ilayaraja and Carnatic music. Raja soothes me and makes me tender and breaks my shell.

Can’t do much with violin as I wish, however seem to love my Carnatic singing and my evenings at Violin teacher’s, discussing ragas.Love my I pad.  Love Skype, Badminton, beautiful women, Obama, good souls, early morning garden, Cheadle walk, Vonage, and Face book.  Love the twins and their hugs.  Miss my better half and kiddies.  Pain of separation tweaks my senses.  It is unfathomable and unbearable.  Hate Indian cricket and night's eerie silences!!

Spend a lot of time with my mates and best mates.  Get to know more with our every meeting.  Appreciate that time is wonderful.  Been to few conferences; walked Snowdonia singing Rajas songs, very loudly.  Listened to new age Ilayaraja in “Née thane En Pon Vasantham” a thousand times and still recognising new sounds.  Been to Chennai, Thrice!!

London Olympics and saw Hussein Bolt in action.  Mate from Australia took me to the games and said I was a good man and hence the honour!!  Not sure. Spent Deewali in Chennai 2012, after 1993 and spent lots of money.  Saw Lots of Chola temples and Singapore too.

Play Badminton on Mondays.  Run on best mate’s treadmill listening to who else; Raja.  Sneak away with take -away from friendly friend’s wives’ dinners and left over.  I am Unashamed.  Odd whiskey’s at buddy’s places.  Not to drink on my own and alone.  Often I dream; dreams about my friends.  Some Dreams where I feel I am in control of my dreams.  Very weird! 

Sleepless, some nights; getting bit paranoid, especially about my decision making abilities,relationships and in the process my and our life.  Decisions haunt me over past 30 years.

Well, it has been enchantingly rich in learning, these past seven months and being alone is a gift from heaven; and of course it depends on your spouse!!